Whenever I search for Christmas albums at my local thrift store (where the manager knows me by name), I always peruse the used compact discs. As iPods and MP3 players have increased in popularity, more and more CDs are finding their way into Goodwill stores, cluttering up the space formerly reserved for LPs.
The manager of the store nearly pulled my arm off when I walked into the store to show me this CD. He had held it behind the counter out of sight just for little ol' me (thank you Darryl!). I own the five Bob Rivers Twisted Christmas CDs already so I sort of already owned this CD. But how many times do you come across an honest to goodness promo sampler in a thrift store?
For those who may not know, radio DJ Bob Rivers is the Weird Al Yankovic of Christmas music. He began his broadcasting career in Connecticut where he was heard on WAVZ, WNHC, WCDQ, WELI, WFIF, WCCC, WWCO, and last but certainly least, WLIS.
With no more stations left to conquer in Connecticut, Bob moved on to Massachusetts, Rhode Island, and New Hampshire. A program director stint at WECM in Claremont, New Hampshire cured Bob of any further desire to be in management. "I worked at 20 stations in about six years," says Bob. "I wanted to make every mistake possible in this business."
After a brief stint as keyboardist/songwriter for a 70's bar band, Bob returned to radio at legendary rock station WAAF-FM. He teamed up with Peter "Zip" Zipfel as part of their successful Bob and Zip morning show and began producing parody and novelty songs, both for the station and for the American Comedy Network, a radio syndication service that provided comedy material to local U.S. and Canadian radio stations.
One of the first parodies he produced was "Breakin' Up Is Hard On You", about the lawsuit and resulting court ordered split up of AT&T's Bell System. The song was sung to the tune of Neil Sedaka's #1, 1962 hit "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do" and peaked at #69 on the Billboard Hot 100 pop music chart.
In 1987, Rivers released his first Christmas CD - "Twisted Christmas". With such parodies as "Wreck The Malls", "A Visit From St. Nicholson", "We Wish You Weren't Living With Us", his radio hit "The Twelve Pains Of Christmas" which still gets radio airplay at Christmas, and other non-threatening Christmas tunes, it quickly sold 1.6 million copies, garnering a certified RIAA Gold Record for Atlantic Records.
Bob soon left Boston for Baltimore's WIYY-FM as their morning personality and came up with one of the most successful radio promotions of all time in April of 1988. The Baltimore Orioles had begun the season horribly, losing their first 10 games in a row. Rivers vowed to remain on the air until the Orioles won the next game.
Unfortunately, the Orioles kept losing. And losing. And losing. Rivers continued his broadcast for an amazing eleven days as disheartened Oriole fans kept him awake by calling in, expressing their frustration.
The Orioles were 0-21 when they travelled to Chicago to face the White Sox on April 29, 1988. Not surprising to this Cub fan, the Orioles handily beat the South Siders 9-0. The streak was over and, at long last, Rivers left the radio station studio.
He became a local celebrity among Orioles fans for his pledge and won the National Association of Broadcaster's "Promotion of the Year" award. But his tenure was short lived in Baltimore thanks in large part to a growing drug problem.
Rivers went to Seattle in 1989, successfully underwent drug rehab, and settled in at KISW where he began gathering his "Twisted Christmas" team to formulate their next album. That came in 1993 with "I Am Santa Claus".
This was a harder, edgier album than "Twisted Christmas" (which might be the reason it's my fave of the five). Some of the tunes include "I Came Upon A Roadkill Deer", "Teddy The Red-Nosed Senator", "Jingle Hells Bells", "Walkin' 'Round In Women's Underwear", and the tasteful instrumental of "O Christmas Tree" complete with sawing & chainsaw effects - all brilliantly executed and all winners.
Four Christmas seasons came and went. Rivers continued to record parody songs and released two volumes of "Twisted Tunes" in 1997. Then, without warning, that very same year... Rivers & Co. celebrated the 10th anniversary of "Twisted Christmas" with the release of Christmas album number three - "More Twisted Christmas".
The CD leads off with "It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year" with John Davidson on lead vocals and featuring THE Richard Simmons interjecting (quite possibly the best recording either John or Richard ever did!).
Add some dead on versions of the B-52s ("Toy Sack"), Led Zeppelin ("Sled Zeppelin"), Bing Crosby ("There's A Santa Who Looks A Lot Like Elvis"), Jimi Hendrix ("Holidaze" to the tune of "Purple Haze"), and two Beatle tunes ("Jesus's Birthday" and "All You Need Is Elves"), and Bob Rivers is batting 3 for 3 with Christmas albums!
Among the clever parodies ("Carol Of The Bartenders", "Pokemon", and "Who Put The Stump") are some slightly disturbing elements that I really didn't enjoy. "Homeless For The Holidays" is not funny at all, we get to hear a Christmas tree angel impaled on "The Angel", and what's with the Amos & Andy voice for Nat King Cole on the title track?
For me, this album was okay. Not great, not bad, it remains lower on the list though. But having gone 3 for 4 in the overall batting average, I was willing to give Rivers another chance.
Most of the tracks from the sampler pictured above came from albums two, three, and four - no tracks from the first "Twisted Christmas" were on the sampler. Thankfully, a majority of the songs on the sampler are classics and I can listen to this one anytime.
In 2001, the cast and show moved to KZOK-FM where they've stayed until today. Bob embraced the Internet big time and posted nearly every Twisted Tune (including Christmas) to hear via streaming audio at his website. The following year, Bob and company released their fifth full Christmas CD and, to be honest, I was a little worried over the title - "White Trash Christmas":
Whatever fears or doubts I had, they quickly melted away when I heard the parody of Jethro Tull's "Aqualung" ("Aquaclaus") on track one. After throwing Eminem for a loop on "What If Eminem Did Jingle Bells?", we get to the holiday hit of 2002 - "Osama Got Run Over By A Reindeer" I'm not sure if he improved on this song but I must admit I did laugh when it was all over the radio at Christmas that year.
There are some hits ("Me And Mrs. Claus", "Shoppin' Around For A Christmas Tree", "The Little Hooters Girl"). There are some misses ("White Trash Christmas", and "Have Yourself An Ozzy Little Christmas" despite the return of John Davidson).
And then there's "Be Claus I Got High", and "I'll Be Stoned For Christmas". I guess Bob's reached the stage where he can laugh at his former addiction but I fail to see the humor in mixing drugs and Christmas.
Overall, I'll give this one a passing grade because the laughs do outweigh the bad. Final box score: 4 for 5 for a fantastic .800 batting average.
It's been six years since we've seen a new Twisted Christmas CD. Surely there's plenty of material out there for Bob and Co. to another full holiday album.
Back in my high school days, a friend of mine stood in front of the history class to read a paper he wrote entitled "JFK Blown Away - What More Do I Have To Say?" - an obvious swipe from Billy Joel.
His argument was since November 22, 1963, the cultural and moral status of the United States has declined and will continue to decline.
I was too busy trying to make points with the cheerleader sitting next to me to pay attention until he brought up how TV shortly after the assassination went down hill - citing "The Munsters", "The Addams Family", and "Bewitched" - all dealing with monsters, witchcraft, and the occult.
That was the only point I agreed with. There was a definite fascination with horror in the 1960s... which leads us to this album.
Released in 1964, this album was the brainchild of Len Maxwell, a talented writer and voice actor. Maxwell was best known as the voice of Karate and the Chief of Police on the old "Batfink" cartoon show in the 1960s. He was most recently heard as the voice of Nick Diamond on MTV's "Celebrity Deathmatch".
Maxwell and his album co-writer Mickey Rose worked on throwing in every monster joke, cliche, and pun you could think of for the album sketches. The songs are cute to a point and once in a while, you find yourself laughing out loud. It's definitely something I won't play at Christmas time repeatedly, but once in a great while, I'll pull this CD out and take a listen.
This is another album that many people remember having and playing at Christmas time when they were kids. I've yet to see a copy on eBay sell for less than $100.
Thankfully, this album didn't cost me that much. This was posted by Trowfaz, a member of the FaLaLaLaLa.com community last year. Thank you Trow!
On to the next new Christmas CD in my collection...
Two weeks ago, I purchased this CD from eBay and promised a review when it arrived at my home.
When I first saw this on eBay, I thought this might have been a homemade compilation someone put together and was selling on the side.
But with songs such as "Santa Got A Sunburn" and "All I Want From Santa Is A Girl From Atlanta", it looked very promising.
The CD arrived yesterday and I discovered this wasn't printed off someone's computer.
TRACK REVIEWS:
Track 1 - "White Christmas (3 O'Clock Weather Report)" by the Sicknicks. Not only was the group mislabeled (it was actually Senator Bobby who had a Top 40 hit with "Wild Thing" earlier that year), the sound quality was not great - an obvious 45 rpm to MP3 transfer.
Tracks 2 & 3 - Things improved with the break-in record "Santa Under Analysis (Pts 1 & 2)" by Chris Clay. Break-in records were popularized by Dickie Goodman and Clay does a fun job doing his best trying to analyze Santa using 1950s and 1960s pop records ("Welcome to analysis Santa... INSERT the Big Bopper singing "Hellooooo baby!").
Track 4 - "It's Another Joyful Elvis Presley Christmas" by the Serious Brothers tells the story of a family who can't get through Christmas without their Elvis blenders, velvet paintings, you get the idea.
Track 5 - The Stompers "Stomping Around The Christmas Tree" was a disappointment due to its bad sound quality (the right speaker kept going quiet).
Track 6 - "Stick 'Em Up Santa" by Bobby Salvatore. Here's the classic "cute kid" singing (more like threatening) track. Seems Bobby has all his cowboy gear on and won't let Santa in the house unless he gets everything on his list! A pretty funny track!
Track 7 - "I Should Have Left The Lights On For Santa" is credited to Mona Savant. At least they got the first name right. This is Mona Abboud - the same person who gave you the Christmas classic "The Pretty Little Dolly" off the Dr. Demento album "Holidays In Dementia".
Track 8 - "Santa Got A Sunburn" by The Barefoot Man. "Brought his gifts across the ocean... but forgot his suntan lotion!" This track scorched me (no pun intended).
Track 9 - Amos & Andy had their own radio show from 1928 to 1960 and their annual Christmas episode featured Amos explaining to his daughter Arabella "The Lord's Prayer". This was taken from a Amos & Andy TV show DVD.
Track 10 - "Ya Dis Ist Ein Christmas Tree" by Mel Blanc deserves better than what is offered here. The musical intro is edited and the sound plain sucks. Better versions of this song are easily found on other compilations
Track 11 - Dora Bryan - the British Carol Channing - sings "All I Want For Christmas Is A Beatle". This was released in the UK at Christmastime of 1963. The sound quality suffers here too.
Track 12 - "The White House Christmas Party" by Nick Nack & Patty Wack is quite a unique break-in record (see track 1). This records uses nothing but Christmas songs for their break-ins ("The First Lady is singing to each arriving guest... INSERT Karen Carpenter singing "Merry Christmas Darling"). By the third minute however... Next!
Track 13 - The Ravens' "Silent Night" is a long lost R&B record, not novelty, and it's featured here... A very nice change of pace!
Track 14 - "White Christmas" by the Four Lovers. I can't classify this tune... It's either electric bluegrass, rockabilly R&B, or 1950s garage rock / doo-wop. It's got a distinct style and fun to listen to!
Track 15 - Sherwin Linton's "Santa's Got A D.W.I." is a fun song but if you want a better sounding version, check out Rhino Records "Bummed Out Christmas".
Track 16 - "All I Want From Santa Is A Girl From Atlanta" by Skin Tight. This song has a definite mid-1980s sound. The song reminds me of Randy Newman's "I Love L.A." with some Huey Lewis & The News mixed in. I'm betting this one never got past the Georgia border.
Track 17 - Mad Milo's "Elvis For Christmas". Yet another 1950s break-in record. This one has Mad Milo asking people on the street why they want ELVISSSSS for Christmas (any time Milo says Elvis' name, he cranks the reverb!). The non-Elvis songs used for the break-ins are obscure (just like this track itself) and it gets pretty messy and bizarre!
Track 18 - "Santa Looks Just Like My Daddy" is another Christmas gem from Little Barry Gordon. From the same kid who brought you "Nuttin' For Christmas", "Zoomah the Santa Claus From Mars", and "I Like Christmas, I Like It I Like It".
Track 19 - Jimmy Allen & Tony Bartella - "When Santa Comes Over The Brooklyn Bridge". This is a wonderful song with the early 1960s pop sound but my only complaint is there's no Brooklyn accents to be found here! Sounds like two Midwest guys singing about a New York landmark!
Track 20 - "Santa Jaws" by the Homemade Theatre was released for Christmas 1975 (the same year "Jaws" was released). They mix "Twas The Night Before Christmas" with an encounter on the beach... Truly inexplicable.
Track 21 - Bill & Shaken's "Woodolf The Petrified Red-Nosed Reindeer" is very much sung in the same vein as Homer & Jethro but after about 30 seconds, it gets real dull and unfunny.
Track 22 - "Zoot Zoot Zoot, Here Comes Santa In His New Space Suit" by Tiny Tim. I have been searching for this song for nearly four years and this was the main reason why I purchased the CD. What I didn't know was this was a DISCO tune... Expect to hear this one on my annual Christmas compilation at the end of the year!
Track 23 - The Geezinslaws sing "Lighten Up For Christmas". A very appropriate song around Christmas and taken from their Christmas single... I'm still looking for the B-side ("Santa Claus Is Coming To Town").
Track 24 - "I Want A Baby Brother For Christmas" is by Carolyn Bnikley and is another cutesy kiddie Christmas single (with lisps included). The title says all...
Track 25 - The Quackers - "Jolly Old Saint Nick". Cross the story telling style of Walter Brennan and his Christmas songs with Donald Duck... you get the idea!
Track 26 - "Surfin' Santa" by The Ramblers is an appropriate entry from the surf guitar / Beach Boys / era. With its Frankie & Annette type intro, this tune hangs ten!
Track 27 - Gary Segar's "The Christmas Equalization Act" is from December, 1983. He sounds like a long-winded Congressman introducing a bill on the House floor. I'm guessing this one's played at Christmas parties all over Washington, D.C. and everyone gets a great laugh. Anyone else who listens will scratch their head!
Track 28 - "Baby Sittin' Santa" - Barry Richards. Clearly inspired by "The Purple People Eater", this one features a baby cooing and gurgling as the story of Santa as baby-sitter is told. Sound quality is fair.
Track 29 - Diana Williams sings "Goodbye Bing, Elvis & Guy"... one of the most bizarre country tribute songs I've ever come across. Released at Christmastime of 1977, Diana write a letter to Santa, laments about being older, and the losses of Bing Crosby, Elvis Presley, and Guy Lombardo... what a way to end this CD!
Overall, this was a fantastic buy! Copies are out there on eBay and GEMM if you look hard enough!
On to the next new Christmas CD in my collection...
Every music collector has come across this situation: you're looking at hundreds of titles in a section of your local music store. You come across the compilation section, begin looking at the repackaged collections (some you're seeing for the umpteenth time), and find that ONE song you've been seeking.
This is very true with Christmas music. How many of you have purchased a Christmas comp knowing three, four, maybe 1/2 of the songs on the CD you already own?
This was the case for me with this particular CD. Of the ten songs on this album, only THREE songs I didn't own. So the big question becomes "Do I spend x amount of dollars for three songs?"
Unfortunately, if you're a Christmas music collector, the answer is yes. You're not going to be able to download these songs anywhere, legally or illegally. Also, most of the more obscure Christmas music - the stuff that makes collector's minds go batty - is available for three months out of the year (October - December), both online and off.
Thankfully, I didn't spend an arm or leg for this CD - just $5 at a used CD store. So in some cases, it all balances itself out.
TRACK REVIEWS:
1.) Patti Page - Boogie Woogie Santa Claus One of the three songs I didn't own... a great cover of the Mabel Scott classic. BTW, her 1995 Christmas CD (Mercury) always sells big on eBay!
2.) Spike Jones & His City Slickers - All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth Is this the penultimate version of this song? I like Nat King Cole's version just as much. What do you think?
3.) Leo Watson - Jingle Bells A poor man's Fats Waller does a swingin' version! Great tune...
4.) The Andrews Sisters - The Merry Christmas Polka Backed by Guy Lombardo & His Royal Canadians, who wouldn't dance this one?
5.) Yogi Yorgesson - I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas I yust go nuts when I hear this song... Play something else by Yogi around Christmas than this one!
6.) Mae Questel (The Betty Boop Girl) - I Want You For Christmas Second of three songs that I didn't own... Mae could belt it out... pick me, pick me, PICK ME!
7.) The Korn Kobblers - Don't Give Me No Goose For Christmas Third of three songs I didn't own... A poor man's Spike Jones band doing a Christmas tune with animal sounds - a precursor of the Jingle Dogs maybe?
8.) Yogi Yorgesson - Yingle Bells Yingle this song around Christmas. It would be a welcome relief!
9.) Ella Fitzgerald - Santa Claus Got Stuck In My Chimney The double entendres kept this one out of circulation for years. Paging Dr. Freud!
10.) Spike Jones & His City Slickers - Happy New Year Recorded on December 23, 1947 - sat on the shelf for a year - and released for the 1948 season! A fun track!
This CD was released in 2001 by Direct Source Special Products and made in Canada - in case you were wondering!
On to the next new Christmas CD in my collection...
